Rimmer's MicroDot Swimming Certificate
by FantasySci5
Summary: Ever wonder about that whole 'microdot' thing mentioned in Back to reality! Well, wonder no more One bad word FINISHED! Maybe...


**The Micro-Dot Swimming Certificate**

HEY! Have you gotten the 5th Series yet! Well, this is an idea that popped up when listening to the fan commentary of Back To Reality!

They were talking about when they 'wake up', and that guy walks in. (His name escapes me...) He's talking about the 'truth behind Rimmer'. About the note from the captain in the micro dot on the 'i' in Rimmer's swimming certificate. Rimmer didn't say anything when he said that Rimmer couldn't swim. If Rimmer could swim, he would of stood up for himself. So...

Just something quick, and easy to chew on! Based right after the episode, 'Back to reality'. ANDY! That's the bloke's name!

(Hey! I just watched Gunmen of the Apocalypse for the um-teen time! That's the best episode! Yah know! Better than any other episode of anything, right! Though, other Red Dwarf episodes can give it a run for its money! JJ! Gunmen and the rest of the episodes (Back to Reality) are great!

AND, (sorry) I'm looking at my Red Dwarf trading cards! Let me count... 12 trading cards from the 2nd, 5th, and 6th series! They should have had trading cards for series 3 & 4! Like Lister with the space mumps! Sorry, NE-Wayz! Here it is!)

A Part of the script is used in here. I got the words from the script written by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor. It was re-written by a fan named Janet Brown. Thanxz! Andy 'speaks' in bold letters, when everyone else speaks in italics!

**000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000**

Rimmer sat there thinking. Lister, Cat, Kryten, and himself had just came 'back to reality'. Holly had saved them from committing suicide. He really was going to kill himself, just because 'Sebastian' was doing way better than him! Rimmer shook his head as he laid there in his bottom bunk.

His mind wandered to that bloke, Andy. That fat twonk that had came in after they had took off the AR simulations. That man that the despair squid had created. 'Nope, wrong again.' Rimmer whispered to himself. WE had created that man. The squid had made them despair. THEY had created their surroundings. That man had been the product of their minds.

The words still burned into Rimmer's brain, leaving a mark that would definitely leave an impression. The strong Birmingham accent filling every space.

**'_Which one was Rimmer?'_**

_'Me.'_

_**'Ohh, he's amazing, in't he?'**_

_'You can say that again.'_

_**'How long did it take you to suss him out, then?'**_

_'Ahh, I had him sussed right from the beginning.'_

_**'Really? You found the Captain's message right away!'**_

_'What Captain's message?'_

_**' The one that's hidden in the microdot in the 'i' in Rimmer's swimming certificate. Well, that's the clue, isn't it? Rimmer having a swimming certificate and not being able to swim!'**_

_'That's a clue!'_

_**'It's a blatant clue, isn't it?'**_

_'A blatant clue to what?'_

_**'A blatant clue to the truth behind Rimmer.'**_

_'What truth?_

_**'The truth to why he is such an insufferable pratt.'**_

_'That's because of his parents, his upbringing, his background.The fact that he was never loved.'_

_**'No, no, no.'**_

_'Yes, yes, yes.'_

_**'No, no, no.'**_

_'Yes, yes, yes.'_

_**'No!'**_

_'What was it then?'_

_**'He was a hand-picked special agent for the Space Corps. He had his memory erased and was programmed to behave like a complete twonk so no one would suspect he was on a mission to destroy Red Dwarf in order to guide Lister to his destiny as the creator of the second universe!'**_

_'You what!'_

_'**Yeah! You know the bit where Lister jump starts the second big bang with jump leads from Starbug?'**_

_'Jump starts the second big bang?'_

_**'Well, that's the final irony, isn't it? Lister, the ultimate atheist, turns out in fact to be God!'**_

_'What!'_

_'**It's all in the Captain's message. It's all in the microdot. Hang on a minute! Are you ... are you seriously telling me you were playing the pratt version of Rimmer for all that time? For four years! Wow, that's a classic that is! That's a classic!'**_

Rimmer put his hologramatic head into his hologramatic hands. The words were booming, the image never leaving his tired head. Was it true!

'No, of course not! It was meant to cause despair, remember!' a voice in the back of Rimmer's head shouted at him.

'Maybe not...' another softer voice put in. It stopped there, leaving Rimmer confused. The loud voice spoke back up,'Of course this didn't happen! You would remember!'

'Maybe not...' that annoying soft voice spoke again. 'Remember...Andy did say that your memory was erased.' the calm voice said, its even voice cracking with doubt, fear, and something else.

'Lets stop arguing.' a 3rd voice interrupted. 'Why don't we check!'

**000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000**

** Flash Back**

Lister headed out of the mess hall. He had only been out of the 'dream' for a few minutes. He had went to get something to eat, but that wasn't what was bothering him. He was thinking about Andy.

Was Rimmer really programmed to act so...smeggy! Lister walked into Rimmer's and himself's room. No one was there. He hadn't seen Rimmer since Holly had saved them.

He timidly walked over to Rimmer's lower bunk. The cut out newspaper articles was at the head of the bed. "Arnold's Tops With Us," "I Owe It All To Rimmer," "Arnie Does It Best." In the middle, a 'No Smoking' sign. But what caught Lister's eye was at the end of the bunk. Rimmer's swimming certificate. Andy's words pounded in his ears. _'**It's all in the Captain's message. It's all in the microdot.'**_

Lister pulled the glass case off of the wall. The light bounced off of the glass, as it illuminated the word 'swimming'. Lister lightly pulled at the side. A latch came undone, and the glass swung open. Lister carefully pulled the certificate out.

Now that it was out, Lister was confused. 'There's 5 smeggin' 'i's in 'Arnold J. Rimmer's Swimming Certificate'.' Lister cursed to himself. He lightly touched the 'i' in Rimmer's name with his thumb. Nothing. He tried his pointer finger. Still nothing. He tried all 5 'i's' in it with all of his fingers. Nothing. Lister let out a sigh of relief. It was a lie. Lister quickly put the certificate back.

**00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 **

Rimmer's head spun as he made his way to the back of the bunk. He was glad Lister wasn't in the room. He lightly unlatched the latch keeping the glass over his swimming certificate. That soft voice entered his blissful silenced brain. 'We aren't even sure if we CAN swim.' Rimmer pulled out the certificate. He was standing by now. The loud voice cracked like a whip.'Damn! There are 5 'i's'! Which one!'

Rimmer didn't know, but he had a feeling. He slowly dragged his pointer finger to the 'i' in the 'swim' part. As his finger touched it, a eerie green glow filled the room. Rimmer gasped.

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HEHE!

Is he a hand picked secret agent! I'm not telling...yet. BUT, here's something!

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"Lister, are you sure it's safe to park Red Dwarf around that blue planetoid! We might lose it!" Rimmer asked as Lister started the engine in Starbug. "Yeah! Your too worried Rimmer! It'll be fine! Now, let's go to that red planet!"

A Day Later

"Does anyone remember where I parked it!"

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Sorry! Lame ending (so far). I just wanted you to enter that they are all about to enter into stasis (besides Kryten), because Red Dwarf was stolen! I might re-do it! Do you want me to continue!


End file.
